I think the path to salvation for mankind is connected to our ability to tap into our unconscious. The final frontier is the human mind- not the sub-atomic world, and not space ‘out there’ extending for millions of light-years.

From where I sit, the path looks pretty long.

By the unconscious, I mean that (keep in mind I am a rank amateur who professes no expertise) part of the mind that consists of the warehouse of instincts, desires, repressed thoughts, past thoughts and memories, etc. that affect our conscious thoughts and feelings, often though we are unaware of these influences.

Recently, with a group of good friends, the tool we used to tap was wine. I can’t say that we made any significant discoveries, but it was fun trying.

The effort wasn’t about anything as lofty as salvation. Maybe salvaging is more accurate, as in salvaging or saving a relationship.

As we shared stories and asked questions of one another, I was reminded of this seemingly counterintuitive truth; many of our problems are self-created. And the ones that aren’t are never ‘solved’ by blaming others.

The essence of blaming is wasted energy. Actually, it may be more accurate to say that excessive blaming is wasted energy.

As we review our life problems, and the conflict in relationships, sorting out who did what and how the other persons’ actions or inactions were unsatisfactory- assignment of fault- is normal and perhaps useful to a point.

But it doesn’t take long before it becomes wasted energy. And often an exercise in ego protecting indulgence.

The answers for difficulties reside inside us. For me, it seems like scouring my own behavior is usually the best place to start.

And I have been guilty of some doozies over the years. I have made mistakes. Plenty of them. My treatment of others has been at times shameful, both in commission and omission.

Wish I could take them back. But I can’t.

So it seems like learning why is a useful effort. And I think our unconscious holds the information that can inform and instruct. But we don’t know how to go there, are too afraid to go there (is real self-knowledge something to be feared?) or we lounge lazily in that garden of perennial delight, the blame place.

All roads (or nearly all) lead back to us.

Did you come from a family that didn’t provide the necessary ‘tools’ for life? Did they provide enough to make you strong? Or were things cold and distant? Were you ignored? In what ways were you told- maybe not overtly, but the message was there- that you were unimportant? Were boundaries weak? Were there substance problems? Did you have valuable role models, or was that missing?

For those reading this who can claim, correctly, that you were provided everything you needed- good for you.

There seems to be, however, a number of ways we reach adulthood without the tools we need. Those gaps show up in the crucible of relationship development. Sometimes they are critical deficits that bring down primary relationships, like marriages.

I am not suggesting self-blame as a solution. I am saying that wounding we experience as children from incorrect or inappropriate messages we receive (and perhaps beyond) can sometimes hinder our ability to problem-solve and overcome difficulties in our relationships. We often interpret these things as faults of the other person. Indeed, many times there is truth- or some degree of it- to that interpretation. But as a path to meaningful progress, this is not a satisfactory way. We need to look deeply at our own culpability. Bailing out with “he/she did it” is a shallow, incomplete solution. When we dig deep, we make discoveries.

The road to interpreting these things leads back to us. Find out how to do that. You will do less blaming, and more growing.

For good information about the unconscious and the richness it can provide for your life, go to THE authoritative source- Carl Jung. There’s a reason why The Beatles put him on their album (Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band) and why Sting refers to him on The Police album Synchronicity.

I will close with this little gem about ‘blaming’ from Eva Pierrakos and Judith Saly in their book Creating Union:

When people whose spiritual development is on different levels are involved with one another, it is always the more highly developed person who is responsible for the relationship. Specifically, that person is responsible for searching the depths of the interaction which creates any friction and disharmony between the parties.

The less developed person is not as capable of such a search, being still in a state of blaming the other and depending on the other’s doing “right” in order to avoid unpleasantness or frustration. Also, the less developed person is always caught up in the fundamental error of duality. From his or her perspective any friction is seen in terms of “only one of us is right.” A problem in the other automatically seems to whitewash this person, although in reality his or her own negative involvement may be infinitely more weighty than the other person’s.

The spiritually more developed person is capable of realistic, non-dualistic perception. That person may see that either one of you may have a deep problem, but that does not eliminate the importance of the possibly much lesser problem of the other one. The more developed one will always be willing and able to search for his or her own involvement whenever he or she is negatively affected, no matter how blatantly at fault the other may be. A person of spiritual and emotional immaturity and crudeness will always put the bulk of the blame on the other. All this applies to any kind of relationship: mates, parents and children, friendships, or business contacts.”

Today let’s consider some things a person could label as ‘odd.’

Here is my brief list:

1. the idea called ‘thinking outside the box.’

2. loud talkers on the phone.

3. interest in the life of celebrities

4. chanting ‘USA, USA’ at the Republican National Convention

First, to state the obvious; this list is in need of explanation and background. Second, it is by no means an exhaustive list. Indeed, I think I could come up with a list of four or five of these every few hours. Finally, I don’t for a minute think the list is without controversy, or a big disagreement, or complete apathy.

That should cover it.

Ok, now as far as an explanation and background…I’m not going to do that. After considering it, I have decided that I will forego that didactic lecture. First, it would come across as pedantic and aloof. I do enough of that already. And second, I am anxious to join my wife to watch a video of the movie Doomsday, which appears to contain exactly what we Americans look for in movies; gratuitous violence, it is completely ridiculous, and has broad swaths of implausibility. Should be great. Pass the popcorn.

Okay, let’s think ‘outside of the (popcorn) box.’

I think this is one of the single most goofy things people in business are fond of saying. Let me roll the imaginary audio reel…(imagine now some ‘leader’ cajoling the troops…)

“Ok people, let’s think outside of the box.”

I’m sure there have been some hilarious Dilbert strips on this one.

Just saying it implies that we spend a lot of time ‘in the box.’ Hmmm. Wouldn’t it be entertaining if a co-worker walked into the boss’ office and said something like…”mr. Jones, I have a confession to make. I have been thinking inside of the box all day. Sorry. I need to move it outside. And since it’s now after 2 pm, I am clocking in on the outside. Right now. I should come up with some strategic brilliance by 5.”

Furthermore, aren’t there some pretty big assumptions around that exhortation? Doesn’t it imply that others can recognize that kind of thinking? I don’t know about everyone else reading this post, but in my experience I have heard that request come mostly from people who were pretty much deaf, dumb and blind to anything remotely innovative.

Finally, be careful when you hear that request. True thinking outside the box usually means change. Change means shaking up the status quo. And the powers-that-be are affected by changes in the status quo. So, while they are the ones making the request, they are also the ones that may not like the notion of true change. This means they will ultimately define what thinking outside the box is. Again, in my experience the leaders don’t mean think outside the box. What they really mean is think inside the box, but find a different corner of that same box.

It’s kind of like re-packaging. Or lipstick on a pig.

One particularly memorable time I thought outside the box. I shared that thinking. And then I was kicked outside the box. I had to find a new box. No one said later that I had been caught thinking outside the box. They actually became uncharacteristically creative in describing what happened. As fiction goes, it was a nice effort. Nearly ‘out of the box’ in a sense.

The second item is loud talking, specifically on the phone.

First and foremost, it is annoying. And unnecessary. One could say impolite.

I don’t understand this behavior. And then I get really confused when these same loud talkers go into a whisper mode, which signals everyone within earshot (quite a distance with these folks) that something personal or embarrassing or otherwise untoward is now being discussed.

Wouldn’t these folks at this point, assuming they are still communicating successfully while whispering, say to themselves; “Hmmm…if they can hear me when I whisper, I probably don’t need to talk (shout?) at this crazy decibel level.

Interest in the lives of celebrities is proof to me that our country is in deep shit. Each visit to the grocery store is a reminder that future anthropologists will be shaking their heads at the remnants of this vacuous and empty aspect of our culture. There they are at the check-outs; barricades of printed banality that grocery shoppers are only too happy to scoop up and scour for….whatever it is consumers of this crap get out of it.

Can anyone tell me why they care about the lives of Britney Spears or Paris Hilton or Nicole Richey? Or however you spell her name. Or that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie adopted some kid? Why is this interesting? Why do I care about how some celebrity looks in their swimsuit? Is this helpful at cocktail parties? Are people preparing for some pop culture category on Jeopardy? Does this satisfy some kind of voyeurism? Are people jealous? Is this the American equivalent to Britains apparent obsession with their royalty?

These are serious questions about something that seems not to be at all serious. Seriously.

I have noticed that people like to distance themselves from this consumption. Nobody that I have run into wants to admit they just plain like it. Usually there is a reluctance about it. People are apologetic, saying things like ‘oh I just pick one up sometimes. I like the fashion pictures. I know it’s rubbish.’

I don’t know anybody who subscribes. If anyone reading this blog knows of or has seen this creature, please send me the information.

I have questions.

Ok, this last one is weird. At the Republican National Convention I witnessed grown adults chanting “USA, USA.”

Now, I can see this happening at a USA vs Russia hockey game. Or something like the Ryder Cup. These are competitive athletic events.

But at an event with no competitors? Huh?

What is the point? Patriotism? If so, to what end? To demonstrate that to the rest of the world?

I’m sure that impresses them.

To demonstrate Republicans are more patriotic than Democrats?

And just how does that prove it is so?

What is the point?

Now, I don’t want this to appear partisan in any way. I am addressing a specific behavior. In future posts I will pick on the Democrats for some version of their goofiness.

But really, what is this all about?

Hmmm?

I consider my hometown a good place to live.

Today’s story is my lament over one thing that makes it a not-so-great place.

Many people in this midwestern community- way too many people- suck at merging onto the freeway.

And while this is what many would perhaps consider trivial, it nonetheless is ‘postworthy.’

Let me describe the behavior. It’s really quite simple.

Drivers come onto the freeway at, oh, 35 or 40 mph, maybe 45 mph.

Not 48mph. Not 50 mph. Not 52 mph. More like 40.

This causes problems. Obvious problems. Because when you are driving 55 mph, and someone pulls in front of you, braking or lane changing happens. Then, others are affected. This becomes a chain reaction event, and usually the offending party- the slow driver who hasn’t a clue- drives along unaware and (unfortunately) unchanged, a virus on the road of healthy driving organisms, moving along into the future to infect more innocent organisms.

It may be a killer-virus.

This behavior happens all the time. And I think our community has more of this than other places. Especially more than bigger cities.

Here, in Fargo-Moorhead, folks think they can bumble along well below 55 mph and then accelerate after they reach the flow of traffic.

No. This is not correct.

YOU MUST ACCELERATE TO 55MPH WHILE ON/COMING OFF THE RAMP AND MERGE INTO THE FLOW OF TRAFFIC IN A MANNER CONSISTENT WITH THE TRAFFIC. (I write this like some of these people who do this may actually be reading this blog, much less understand that they are impaired freeway mergers)

The capitalizations, italics, and sentiment in the previous sentence are mine. None of it is from a driver’s manual, state law, or any of that. But I know it’s right. It makes sense. And this is my blog.

This kind of driving is something which makes me use bad words. And, despite my attempts to change my behavior, seems to cause me to react the same way each and every time it happens.

This must mean I am crazy. Perhaps it means I need to move. To one of those bigger cities. Or maybe I need counseling. Maybe all three.

Or perhaps it means I should produce something educational for these miscreants on public access television, where I can disseminate all things correct and enlightening for the freeway merging-challenged among us.

This leads me to a fantasy where I am the creator of a video masterpiece, a production so wonderful and entertaining (yet educational) that it influences hordes of previously unaware dolts to turn inward and say to themselves, ‘wow, next time on that ramp I’m gonna speed up. Glad I watched this show.”

Another thing I have noticed about my own behavior is that I am nearly always curious as to what these drivers look like. I find myself looking at them as I accelerate past. I try to look calm. I say the bad words that I mentioned earlier in a way that shields my anger. Or I think I do.

See, I don’t want to look like one of those crazy road-rage guys (is that sexist? Because I kind of assume that road-rage people are mostly male. maybe not. maybe women are making in-roads on that too. I don’t know. Please offer any information you may have on that if you care to)

Anyway, I think the urge to look at these clueless slow-driving miscreant defective freeway merging dimwits is kind of , uh, odd.

I mean, what do I expect to see? That they will mouth the words, “I’m so sorry. Meant to be going faster. Will do better next time?”

Not gonna happen.

I guess I want to seem nice. But I’m not feeling nice at this time. I’m usually angry.

This must mean I’m guilty of Minnesota Nice. Acting like everything’s all a-ok, but really below the surface you want to annihilate the other person. You want to reduce the other person to utter ruin.

In the end I think I’m moving toward the “I’m crazy” explanation. Why would anyone spend one second in negative thought ruminating about bad driving behavior? There is an ocean of bad driving out there. No, wait, it’s way bigger than an ocean. It’s a couple of continents. Or a couple of oceans. Maybe it’s a hemisphere.

Ok, ok. Proving the point?